I remember that word…newness…it was part of our special language. We would use words to communicate, whether or not they were real words - and we would perfectly understand each other.


Its crazy that you could meet someone and in an hour forget everything about them but still remember the most innocuous detail about someone you saw last 7 years ago.

Such is the complexity and simplicity of attachment. Ironic.

We build and maintain attachments to things, situations and people in varying strengths and degrees. We often think that these attachments are beyond us…that we can't help ourselves…but i have learned - "we are the architects of our own (mis)fortunes".

I love twitter for that gem.

Its difficult to let go of something or someone you think you have a strong attachment to.
Truth is though: everything can be let go of.

Being on the precipice of newness is scary. 
Leaving that job, leaving for another job in another state/country, leaving that relationship, ending that friendship, leaving that religion, starting that business,  losing that weight, growing out natural hair, growing that beard (#teamgoattee :D ) settling down with that good man or good woman…taking that chance…that risk.

It really all has to do with our comfort zones at the end of the day, and our conviction of purpose.
In my opinion its this conviction of purpose, unwavering and unrelenting pursuit of fulfillment in goals and achievement, that  takes us into actualization.
That makes our dreams come true.

Leaving that warm comfy spot underneath the toasty warm duvet when you know for certain the room is icy cold but you NEED to get your socks and onesie!

(We all can relate, not just winter cos harmattan has muscles!)

But the truth is, you have to leave that bed to get your warm knobbly socks. You have to bear/brave that cold just for sometime until you can get to what would most assuredly be the newness of your onesie stuffed at the bottom of your warm clothes drawer (or did I leave them in my fresh laundry pile?? or are they still in the dryer?? *groan*)

Nevertheless, the warmth will come again. With God's Grace and help everyday, one step at a time.

It always does. 

Auld Lang Syne

She stretched languorously as she woke up a bit more with each second.
This bed was amazing.
A memory flashed in her mind, lips close to her ear “you’ll love my bed” he’d said.
She smiled, he hadn’t lied.
She slowly shifted her body around a bit more, her eyes still closed…the sheets felt so good against her bare skin…so good she briefly contemplated a lie-in.

She popped one eye open & looked at her left wrist, the luminous dial on her watch told her it was 5.08am.
Good she thought, it’s still dark enough outside.

She rolled onto her side & sat up, legs swinging over the side of the bed to place her feet on the plush carpeting, at the same time rolling her shoulders & neck a little…she smiled again as she massaged her breasts gently…she didn’t mind the soreness, it was a welcome consequence.
She looked behind her, he was still asleep.

Such a beautiful man.

His eyelashes were so full & long especially for a guy. He lay on his back, one arm thrown over his forehead and the other at his side with his hand splayed over his belly button area, mouth slightly open. His wide chest rose & fell as he breathed, emphasizing his taut stomach and the ‘v’ of his hips. His legs were spread a little, left leg turned out at the knee so his cock lay thick on his left thigh. His dark skin glistened in the glow of the muted TV.
She narrowed her eyes…licking her lips subconsciously.

Such a beautiful man.

She got up and stretched fully, going on her tippy toes, arms reaching towards the ceiling…she heard the pops & cracks reminding her how long it’d been since she’d done the things she’d done last night they way she’d done them. She grinned as she padded softly towards where her thong lay barely noticeable by the bottom of the drapes, as she turned them out & put them on, she scanned the room for the rest of her clothes.

Shoes by the door.
Skirt on the floor half under the reading desk.
Sparkly top glittering from the floor beside the bed.
Bra…now where was her bra?

She looked at her watch again, 5.15am.
She had to be out of there in the next 5mins, the bra would just have to wait.
She put all her clothes on quickly & quietly, watching the bed to make sure he wouldn’t wake…hoping he wouldn’t wake.
She disconnected her blackberry from the charger by his side of the bed, he must’ve plugged it in because she couldn’t for the life of her remember doing that.
She picked up her shoes and purse heading for the door. She stopped.
Glanced back at him.

Such a beautiful man.

She opened the door carefully, resisting the urge to go back and kiss him, shutting it carefully behind her.
The house was quiet. Thankfully. It meant the housekeeper had not resumed for the day.
She went through the kitchen out the back door, walking quickly to the security post.
“Sunday!” she whispered loudly, knocking on the door “Sunday!!!”
“Aunty!” he answered
“Oya abeg come open gate for me”
“Ok Aunty”
She walked back to her car turning it on as Sunday opened the gates.
She pulled out and turned onto the street, reaching into her purse for her phone.
She unlocked her blackberry.
Time to return those missed calls.
“Hello” he answered groggily in a sleep amplified baritone on the 5th ring
“Hey baby” she said softly with a smile in her voice “happy new year again”
‘Hey honey” he said warmly “na wa for you o, I don call you tire”
“No vex” she purred “didn’t hear my phone over the music”
“So how did Terwase take the surprise?”
She laughed a little “Omo! E remain small make her eye comot! She didn’t see it coming at aaaaaaaall, least of all on New Year’s Eve”
“I can imagine” He chuckled “Ngwa where are you?”
“Just driving from hers to yours now”
“Ok then, come tell me all about it”
She groaned “Ehn, I have to crash first then I’ll give you the gist later”
“No wahala”
“Alright baby, see you in a bit”
“Drive safe” he replied and hung up.
She started to put her phone away when it beeped.
Message alert.
She touched her screen to open up her bbm, eyes darting between the road and her phone.
when did you leave?
She smiled typing quickly with one hand as she slowed down in the “Exact Fare” lane to pay at the toll gate.
not long ago. Didn’t wanna wake u. sleeping like a baby
babies don’t do the things we did
She laughed out loud
no…they certainly don’t
that was fun though…as it has been every year…so same next NYE?
yes you sexy man…till next NYE :* …have a safe trip back, ping me when you land?
sure thing babe…I can still taste you
u shud!…u had ur tongue practically grazing my kidneys last nyt!
lmao! I did didn’t I? :D
*eyeroll* Bye K
Lol bye babes

She smiled as she accelerated out of the gate towards her boyfriend’s house.


She pulled at the shoulders of the top she had on.

She felt uncomfortable…awkward in fact. ‘Did it show?’ she wondered halfheartedly…her mind more on what was to come…what she’d been putting off but knew she’d have to deal with eventually…well…”eventually” was NOW…or at least any minute now.

She was oblivious to the looks she was getting…she’d been steadily sipping her water (of course with the lemon slices…you canNOT forget the lemon slices!) …her throat felt so dry though…’Nerves’ she thought to herself ‘definitely nerves’

Almost every eye in the place watched Chioma raise her water glass to her lips to take another sip…which after a couple of seconds turned into a long drink…her eyes shut so she didn’t see the men lean forward almost imperceptibly as her head tilted back slowly as the water went down, exposing her smooth elegant neck …she stopped halfway, putting her glass down, the pink wet tip of her tongue coming out to catch the lingering drops of water at the left side of her mouth.
The lady at the table to the left poked her date in the arm to get him to put his eyes back in his head, eyeing him dirtily as she picked up her fork to keep eating her fried rice.
That got Chioma’s attention and she almost choked on the last of the water in her mouth at the thought that Mr-table-on-the-left had just earned himself a possibly EXPENSIVE placatory trip to The Palms ‘well O.Y.O perv’ she snorted under her breath.

Her mood descended again as the nerves returned…how…when…what was she supposed to say to him eh? She bit her lip worriedly.
She’d chosen this restaurant because they made his favourite soup, Ofe Onugbu, very well with the extra soft okporoko…just the way he liked it…ENOUGH dried fish! Yeah, this was a good idea…one or 2 beers would mean he would be nice and mellow. She’d never met a Yoruba boy that liked Onugbu soup like Tunde. She shook her head.

How would she start?

‘Emmm Tunde, umm you know we’ve been cool for a while now right?’
‘Tunde…you’re very special to me…that’s why I didn’t want to do this over the phone’ hmmm…he’d see that one coming a mile off.

She uncrossed her legs absentmindedly and all the men in the restaurant, that had been watching this bosomy petite fresh café au lait skinned lady, held their breath as she recrossed her supple smooth legs so that her skirt rode up by another 8th of an inch. Yes, Mr-aristo-in-the-corner sitting with Miss-34”Brazilian hair was counting.
Chioma had no clue.
As she took a deep breath, her chest moved eye-catchingly and Mr-fish-pepper-soup-and-stout by the door choked a little bit.

She picked up her blackberry.

D “T, where you @?”

She watched her phone, almost willing the message to change status…


T-Money is typing a message
D “be there in 5”
D “u ordered?”
D “want my nosh ready and waiting”

Sweet Chixxx is typing a message
D “dude. K like seriously. r u TREKKING here??”

T-Money is typing a message
D “Kiss My Ass”

Sweet Chixxx is typing a message
D “Ode”

T-Money is typing a message
D “don’t cream your panties. Jst drivin in now.  c u in a bit”

Chioma snorted and put her phone down.
The butterflies in her lower belly decided to scatter at that moment. It was real…it was about to go down.


She knew when he walked in without even looking up.
The air in the room changed somewhat...became more…electric.
She looked up to see Tunde walk across the restaurant to the table somewhat in the corner that she’d chosen…to give them some measure of privacy.
Gosh he looked good though she thought eyeing him up as he got closer.
Dark skinned…broad enough to hint at some rugby somewhere in his past…his suit jacket hugged his shoulders and chest enough to fit without straining to look too tight.
He had on a peach shirt that looked extra yummy against his dark skin, his rust green tie accentuating it perfectly….as he got real close she noticed his suit was actually chocolate…yeah…he looked like chocolate.
The famous pink tip of her tongue came out again to wet her lips as her gaze travelled downwards…oh my word….she thought…he’s so….

“hey sweetcheeks” he flashed his white teeth in his dark face “wey my nosh?”
“I resemble waitress?? See trouble” she side eyed him
“sharrap joo and hug your man” he teased as he took her hand and pulled her up from her seat and took her in his arms “how u doin babygirl”
Chioma was in 4inch heels but she still had to stretch a little…well, being “petite” she was kinda used to it…”I’m gooooooood” she purred as she snuggled into his warmth…wafting of A&F ‘Fierce’…she wanted to climb into his shirt with him and curl up there for a minute…mmmmm…but she remembered where she was especially when she started to feel his hands creeping down towards her….
He chuckled “well a man can only restrain himself so much when confronted with that” he gestured at what had 70% of the restaurant openly gawking at her as he took off his jacket “abeg put this on the back of your seat” she took it from him and did so as she laughed
 “whatEVER. Its my inheritance!” She said sitting down, smoothing her skirt as she did
Tunde gagged on the drink of water he was taking “Inheritance ke?? O ti o! this one is PROPER heirloom”
They laughed together.
“Wey my nosh ooooo!” he asked as he rolled up his sleeves and almost as if the waiters heard him, the food came.

They settled down to eat, talking about the day they had both had up until lunch. Possible meetings, deals made…funny incidents and because they worked in the same industry they caught up on what was new as they usually did.

Tunde had his first beer.

They moved on to more risqué topics.
Who was sleeping with whom and what they stood to gain from their dalliance. Chioma filled him in on the juicy scandal that was making the rounds in her company about the E.D’s wife who was shagging one of the team leads. A much younger man no less! In fact she was all set to fly him to Paris for a romantic getaway.
“Choi! Dis tin wey suppose be under-g don waka go everywhere now” Tunde shook his head “I sure say na the guy dey make mouth”
“Before nko, guys! Una too dey yan” Chioma scoffed as she reached over to steal a piece of stock fish from his plate.
“Ah-ahn! See this woman o! You dey find trouble!” Tunde ‘mean mugged’ her…she looked at him unimpressed “you don’t scare me. Ooh I’m shaking!” she mocked
He looked at her slyly “I remember you were, just this weekend…you could barely walk to your car”
She blushed furiously “oh…my…I didn’t see that coming…this guy…stop it joo” she gulped some water quickly.
Tunde half smiled at her with a strange look on his face and raised his hand to signal the waiter to bring his 2nd beer.

‘How do I start this?’ Chioma thought knowing the time had come to say it…t’was now or never.
“Em…” she cleared her throat “Tunde…I have something to tell you” she picked up a tissue and started to fold it over and over
He raised one eyebrow “oh? Must be serious…for your O.C.D to show up” he nodded towards the growing pile of neatly folded tissues in front of her “Ki lo n sele?” he asked as he leaned back
 Chioma put her hands in her lap, suddenly really nervous “we’ve been good friends for a while now right? I mean, we’ve had an awesome time 7months together right? Right?”
Tunde looked amused “‘Been’? ‘Had’? Is it over?”

Chioma wrung her hands “I’m getting married” she blurted.
Tunde stopped smiling.

The Business Of Being

Come with me
Let me give you a glimpse of my inner workings, my psyche
Shed light on or possibly dissuade your suspicions
Confirm your assumptions and definitely give you new perceptions
Of what is me, as opposed to what I seem to be
What, to me, is the business of being

Let me show you how my mind works
Its little nuances, its peculiar quirks
How what may be imperative to others
Could very well be of no consequence to me, how I don’t bother
With certain social rules & directions
So that the last thing I worry about is falsity and affectation
How it is not unusual for me
To keep my own company
For hours on end:
I am my very good friend
I talk to me, visit with me
Its quite natural you see
Because it’s just the business of being

I have no qualms with regards to people’s personalities
I am of the strong conviction that one should just let people be
But if at any point they cross me
I point this out quickly
And then we all go back to the business of being
This is my expectation
I ask you not to wallow in your frustration
If you feel the need to draw my attention
To a possible offense, a point I may gave caused friction
Please by all means do
So I can apologize to you
And like a hole in the road somewhere
I know to avoid this with you whenever I find myself there
As where you may have the gift of telepathy
Sadly I’m not as blessed you see
So tell me & I’ll tell you too
This to me is the business of being


Hi everyone.
I apologise that nothing new has gone up. Been swamped with coursework so I haven't really had more than a tweet-minute to write.
I'll be back shortly. But in the meantime I'll put up some old stories for people who have only now begun to read my work.
Thanks for stopping by.
See you real real soon.

Mocha xoxo

'I Used To Love Her' Part II

3years later.
**I’m on tonight/you know my hips don't lie/**
“who’s this?”
“ah-ah! You don forget now now??”
“Excuse me?? I don't think YOU called MY phone to play 20 questions? So who’s this??”
“You neva change!.....f.i.r.e.c.a.t...”
“oooooooh!!! Osa???!! Oh my goodness!! How you dey?????!!!”
“Now you’re talking!!! That's more like the reaction I expected, silly girl...” deep familiar laugh ”how’ve you been babygirl?”
“I’ve been real good!! Its SOOOOOOOOOO good to hear from you!! I hear say you don marry!”
“Nah babe, not married yet, about to though”
“Lucy I hope? Cos that girl don suffer for your hand no be small tin!”
“Yeye girl” deep laugh again “na Lucy o, shebi I tell you say na she be my number one”
“yeah get luck, or else her papa for find you then feed you your balls with fries”
He laughed a rumbling belly laugh for a moment “Yes o! I no fit take ex-governor pikin play”
“So bruv, you in town? E don tey! It’s been a while! We need to catch up seriously, I have MAJOR gist for you!”
“!! You haven't changed! No wahala. I’m going to be at yours later to see mum & dad to give them their IV to the wedding personally. I just flew in from Abuja, still at the airport actually. I’ll call you after I’ve located the driver ok?”
“Big BOI!! Na driver levels we dey now??” Tana teased laughing “No wahala. Holla at your girl when you’re settled. Its good to hear from you...for real...”
“I’ve missed you fire cat...I’ll call you in a few ok?”
“Aiight, laters”
Osa came by the house like he’d said.
As he laughed and talked with her mum & dad, Tana looked him over discreetly.
He had become an even more delicious man.
Abuja really agreed with him. He had gone into business for himself, using his father-in-law-to-be’s connections to make his own.
He was making some real good money too.
He smelt of and looked like good money.
But he was still the same Osa; joking and teasing Tana to within an inch of her life when they were finally alone together.
Tana herself had become a most desirable young woman...she’d just finished uni and was waiting to be called up for NYSC.
She had lost all her puppy fat...except where it her hips, breasts, thighs...ass...
Osa could barely take his eyes off her.
“Ah-ah! This babe! You wan kill pesin??? How am I supposed to take you anywhere?? Looking like THAT??!” he teased her
Tana laughed and playfully swatted his arm “You no better hook me up with one of your hot boys o! I’m marriage material now...” she smirked
Osa grunted “Who? Those foolish boys I call friends? No way! We’ll find you a nice young ex-priest who just dropped out of the seminary!”
Tana doubled up laughing “Abeg! No kill me with laugh!”
It was like no time had passed as they caught up on each other’s lives.
After dinner, Osa said goodbye to her parents and Tana walked him to his car.
“I’m going back to Abuja on Sunday evening; I only came to hand deliver mum & dad’s & a few other IVs”
“No wahala” Tana replied linking her arm in his as they walked, she leaned in and sniffed at his jacket encased arm “ smell real good”
Osa smiled amused “you mean you still go around smelling people??”
Tana laughed and pushed him away “go joo...”
He opened the car door and turned to her before he got in “let’s hang out properly tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 4pm?”
“Nice one! I’ll ask mum. I’m sure she’ll be cool. But let your 4 be 4 mister!”
Osa laughed and hugged her “I’ve missed you...” his voice rumbled through her
“I’ve missed you too” she whispered in his ear as she stood on tip-toe “brother
Osa pulled back and eyed her strangely “I’ll call you”
Tana waved and smiled as he drove out of the yard.


**I’m on tonight/you know my hips don't lie/**
“4 o’ clock my black ass! Mmsssssssssccchhheeewww!!! I knew you’d be late”
“Whatever. I’m here now so get your ‘black ass’ downstairs” click
Tana looked herself over in the mirror one last time.
Jeans. Pumps. Simple wing-sleeved blouse.
Lip gloss. Hair.
Check, check, check, check & check.
Oh wait wait!
Paul Smith ‘ Floral’, behind the ears, wrists, dé

**Whistle** “Whoa! Fire cat! Looking GOOD babe! You mean it when you say you’re marriage ready huh? If you no h-a-m-m-e-r tonight eh!”
Tana laughed as she entered the car “lemme alone...this is how I look when I get out of bed mehn!”
Osa threw his head back and laughed “ok mah, whatever you say” he pulled out onto the road.
“So where’re we going?” She asked as she reached for the visor
“Look, this girl, leave that mirror alone! I’m sure you’ve looked in the mirror at home like a hundred times already! Sheesh!”
“Wurrever mehn...where are we going?”
“We’re meeting some of my friends for dinner at La Caché...”
“On the mainland?”
“ok good. They have nice food. I’m hungry” Tana gave her glossy lips a last once-over in the mirror Osa glanced at her amused “Some things never change”
She stuck her tongue out at him.

They had a nice time.
Dinner was delicious. The company was great.
They laughed a lot as they talked about the things they couldn’t in front of anyone at home, unintentionally excluding their friends after some time as they fell back in to their familiar banter...their familiar closeness.
Hours went by and all of a sudden the place became a night spot as it went from bar/lounge to an after dinner/dance spot. They decided to hang a little while longer.
Tana called home to tell her mum that she’d be staying over at Nnenna’s place seeing as she was going to be out late on the mainland. There was NO way she was going to let Osa drive her back to the Island that late!
Osa also spoke to her mum to reassure her and let her know he’d definitely be dropping Tana off at her friend’s.
Tana called Nnenna to set it up.
“Get off the phone and dance with me! I love this song!”
“Ok ok, I’ll give you the gist when we see. Keep your phone close by o!” click “I love this song too! I hope you can really move o! No old man steps, don't embarrass me”
Osa’s jaw dropped “look at this small girl! C’mere lemme show you how it’s done” as he pulled Tana to the floor.
He moved. Tana moved.
He moved closer. She moved back.
She smiled. He had moves, she’d give him that.
He took her hands and spun her around once, pulling her into him so she had to hold onto his arms.
He put one hand on her hip with the other in the small of her back so she had to move in time with him, mould with him to the music.
Tana was breathless “how did THAT happen??” she thought to herself “Oh...but he smelled so damn good...mmmmm....”He dipped his head to the side of her face and nuzzled her cheek...her eyes fluttered closed...her head fell back a little...
His lips brushed her cheek...the side of her mouth...her cheek...her ear....
“I’ve wanted you for a long long time Tana...” he growled
Her mouth opened on a gasp and she wrapped her arms around his neck as her knees went weak.
“Which kain ‘cousin’ una be?” one of Osa’s friends shouted at them over the music, breaking the moment “abeg comot make I dance with the lady!” as he cut in
Osa laughed and let Tana go...albeit reluctantly...and went back to the table where he quickly downed his drink and ordered another.
Tana tried to concentrate on making small talk with Osa’s friend but her body and mind were humming with confusion...desire...and anxiety.
“He’s like my BROTHER!”She didn't dance with him again that night.

Pick up your phone! Stupid girl!” Tana muttered angrily into her phone.
Osa stifled a yawn, “she’s still not answering?”
“I’m sure the stupid girl’s fast asleep! I TOLD her to keep her phone close by!”
“hey hey...calm’ll just come back to mine and I’ll take you home in the morning ok? I’m really tired; it’s been a long day.”
Tana bit her lip. “Ok...I guess”
“That’s settled then” Osa pulled out of the restaurant parking lot “You need to change these your fake ass friends honestly”
Tana eyed him and hissed.

“Take” Osa threw a djallabia to her “you can sleep in that”
“Thanks” Tana said as Osa left the room for her to get changed.
She changed quickly and got under the duvet and waited for him to come back in.
She waited.
She tip toed to the door pulling it open a little

“Nah, I’m just going to bed in a minute...How u dey?...Mhm...Ah-ah! Why??...That man is an ass! I told I did...mhm?...Yes now! Last week...yeah?”

He was on the phone...most likely to Lucy...
Tana got back in to bed and eventually fell fast asleep as the wine she’d had kicked in.
She stirred a little when she felt the bed shift under Osa’s weight as he finally came to bed.
“Tana. Tana. Move over and stop hogging all the duvet joo” he whispered to her.
She grunted and a fraction of an inch.
Osa rolled his eyes and got in using his body to move her over.
She moved a lot more this time, giving him a wide berth as she woke up a little more.
He settled in and turned over to the other side to sleep. Tana fell back asleep.

She woke up in the middle of the night to warm arms around her.
Osa at some point had pulled her into him and cuddled her so they were spooning.
She turned carefully to look at him. His face...familiar as he slept.
His lips...full...
His eyelashes long and curly casting shadows on his cheeks...
His features softened by sleep...
His breath smelled like cognac and mints...he always brushed his teeth at night no matter what.
She stroked his face...he didn't stir.
She looked at him...hesitated...then leaned in and kissed him softly on his mouth...he still didn't move.
She got a little bolder and kissed him again, this time taking his lower lip into her mouth.
He opened his eyes. He looked at her for a long minute.
Then he pulled her roughly to him and kissed her hard.
He ran his hands over her legs to the hem of the djallabia and pushed it up so he made contact with her soft bare skin, stroking his way up towards her hips.
As he ran her his hands over her hips and butt, he groaned into her mouth as he realised she had taken off her panties.
He pulled away and growled “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted you...needed you...loved” Tana cut him off by kissing him and pulling him over her wrapping her legs around his waist.
She could feel his hardness poking her through his pyjamas bottoms.
He knelt up and pulled her up, so he could take off her djallabia.
He looked at her body in the dim her the glistening of both her lips and then he dipped his head and kissed her deeply on one set as the other opened on a moan.

As Osa drove Tana home early the next morning, they sat in silence.
Tana had the window down so the cool morning air hit her face as they crossed the 3rd Mainland Bridge...she shuddered with pleasure as memories of the night before flashed through her mind...she smiled to herself...
Osa kept glancing at her...obviously wondering what she was smiling at...
She wished she could freeze this moment...put off what was coming
Tana bit her lip.
This was insane!
She sighed.
He looked at her sharply. She smiled to reassure him, but looked quickly away so he didn't seize the moment to speak.
She needed to work up her nerve.
It had to be done.


They stood at the front door. Tana raised her arm to ring the bell but Osa stopped her.
“Wait” He pulled her close.
“Tana” he looked intently into her eyes “talk to me. What are you thinking?”
She smiled at him, gently extricating herself from his arms. Here we go she thought.
“Tell you what Osa?”
“Tell me something! ANYTHING! Tell me how you feel!!...Tana: I love you! I’ve loved you since you were 15!”
He held her upper arms tightly his face inches away from hers, searching her eyes - breathing hard after his outburst...
He dropped his hands shocked...stepped back “What the fuck??” he lowered his voice whispering fiercely “’So’?? What d’u mean ‘so’?? I tell you I love you and all you have for me is ‘so??”
Tana put her hands on her hips and leaned close to him, eyes flashing
“I mean so-fuck-what Osa? you selfish ass!” she eyed him “You love me abi?? Now? So I’m supposed to burst into song and dance or what?? So now we had great sex. And then? You ALWAYS had my number. ALWAYS knew exactly where I was! And what happened to ALL the time before now??” she made a circle in the air with her index finger “Look, you’re married in less than a month and I’m not about to ask you to change that. Not that you’d want to...knowing you...or would you really leave Lucy after 8 friggin’ years??”
Osa went quiet, his jaw working.
Tana smiled sardonically “I didn't think so. ‘She’s always your number one’ right? And then so what would happen next? What would I become? Your ‘bit on the side’? Your ‘mistress’?? she spat "That would certainly be funny” she laughed bitterly “to go from being sister to mistress...but I guess that’s how you see me”
He started to reply her but she cut him off.
Her voice turned hard as she put her hands on her hips and stopped smiling “but NO Osa, I do not see myself THAT way! So I will NOT be that to you” she spat “so let it go. It was what it was. It happened. It was good. Leave it there.”
Osa looked at her for a long minute...then smiled sadly and strangely, a little proudly...”fire cat...” he reached for her.
Tana sighed, ringing the doorbell as she stepped out of his reach. Almost immediately Tobe opened the door, a plate heaped with yam & egg sauce in his hand, his cheeks bulging.
She brushed past him, going up the stairs without a word.
“What’s wrong with her?” she heard Tobe ask
“ know how she can be. See your plate this guy! I’m hungry, hope there’s still yam o” they started to laugh and talk as they headed for the kitchen.

How funny she thought to herself as she changed out of her clothes, his scent everywhere and nowhere all over her...
She sat heavily on her bed, allowing the sadness to finally wash over her...

“...He’d taught her to be smart with her body and her heart...” one night she’d had her first orgasm and lost her first love.

'I Used To Love Her' Part I

She was 15 when she saw him again.

It was a hot sweltering beast of a Nigerian “summer” know the kind...
No breeze.

Sticky. Humid.

Air so still, even a makeshift fan was useless...even the mosquitoes don't bother to make their usual rounds.
The kind of day that made you curse NEPA every 2 minutes while simultaneously trying to sleep away the hours, until it was your streets turn on the “power sharing” rota or until the gate-man put the gen on.

Whichever came first.

She was home alone; everyone else was outside playing in the large yard.
She was too irritable to join.
Besides, she was much older than them and Nnenna was meant to call any minute now.
There was that gist about Carl that was pending.
At least she had something to look forward to! She grumbled to herself as she turned over on her back.

She spread herself some more on the floor of the TV room where she lay, willing a breeze to come through. She’d pulled her top up a little and unbuttoned her jeans so she could fan her tummy.

“mmsssssscccchhhheeeewwwww!” she hissed at the ineffectiveness of the effort.

After a few minutes though, luckily she dozed off.


“I don't think anyone’s home” a rumbling male voice
“let’s go upstairs and see” a female voice

She stirred but didn't wake.

“Hello?” Called the deep male voice
“Oops! I think she’s fast asleep” whispered the female
The male voice chuckled and then its owner nudged her.
She woke up opening one eye, sitting up on one elbow she started to work herself up to lay into the idiot who had dared to wake her!
“Are you mad??! Oh!” she yanked down her top and grabbed at her jeans zipper.

Oh shiiiiit! oh shit shit shit!” she thought cringing as she scrambled up off the floor.

The strange guy looked amused while his equally strange female companion looked at her with pity, nudging the guy, who was openly chuckling by now, to stop.
She narrowed her eyes, deciding on the spot that she disliked them both, ‘strange guy’ a little more than ‘strange female’.
“Ok, so I’m guessing your mum isn’t home right?” the guy said
She looked at the clock that said 2.30pm and gave him a look that said “uh, d-uh??”
“No she isn’t” she said in a polite almost bored voice.
“You’re Chetana...“Tana” right?” he said
She looked at him suspiciously; “yeah..?”
“You don't remember me do you? I’m your cousin Osaretin? Osa? Uncle Osa? Though I think you’re probably too old to call me that anymore.” Grin “This is my girlfriend Lucy.”
Lucy smiled. She was not bad looking.
Tana smiled (grimaced) back.

Tana looked at Osa...Uncle Osa...Uncle Osa...Uncle Osa! who was supposed to be in Ekpoma University or was it Uniben?

Well whatever.

“Oh right...I remember you” she replied, this time sounding really bored “since mum is still at work, I’ll tell her you came by?”
Osa looked at Tana amused “You haven't changed much, have you? Last time I saw you, you were 10 and had just started “spitting fire”. How old are you now? 14?”
Tana stopped herself from rolling her eyes just at the LAST minute “15 and SS2” she said with a little toss of her head.
Osa grinned hugely at that “yup...still spitting fire...but all grown up and beautiful with it.”
Tana blinked, cut off guard “th..thank you..” she mumbled blushing

A hot Uni guy just told her she was beautiful!! Nnenna must hear this ooooooo!

Lucy shifted a little, indicating she was ready to go.
“So tell your mum I stopped by to say hello to her. I’m in Lagos staying with my sis here in Ikoyi for a while so I’ll be by to see her later” Osa said as he led Lucy down the stairs with his hand on the small of her back.
Tana grunted an ok.
As Lucy walked out the front door, Osa turned and gave Tana a look and said; “see you later Fire cat
Tana shut the door and took the stairs back up 2 at a time to get to the phone.


Uncle Osa or Osa as he preferred to be called came by later that evening.
Tana ignored him.
Tana’s mum was very pleased to see her cousin’s son again.
Tana ignored him.
He had dinner at their house and stayed till Tana’s dad came home so he could say hello.
Tana ignored him.
He and Tana’s younger bro, Tobe, got into football chatter and it was quite late when Osa finally left for his sister’s house a few streets away.
Tana was secretly sad he had to go.

Apparently Osa’s university was on strike indefinitely and as a result he became a regular fixture around their house over the next few months.
He’d call ahead on the land line then come over, usually when Tana’s dad wasn’t home...for some reason, Osa felt he needed to keep his interaction with the Old man to the minimum.
Tana & Osa became quite close.
He eventually apologised for walking in on her and embarrassing her like he did and laughing about it too!
He became the big brother Tana, being the first, had never had. He gave her “expo” on guys, told her about all their tricks.
He told her about the games he was running with other chicks besides Lucy, although he swore she was always his number one.
He ate the result of Tana’s first attempt at making stew...all watery and peppery but he ate it with relish.
He would come over almost every night to give them gist and teach her to cook stew properly .He would crash on their couch when Tana’s parents were away as his sister’s husband was giving him a hard time.
His school eventually resumed after almost 10months and he went off, but would come back to Lagos on holidays and in betweens i.e. more strikes.
Tana realised as she got older that she’d always been attracted to Osa on some level, but she put it down to a teenage crush and got over it...she tried very hard.

Tana got very used to Osa.
Tana got very used to all her friends crushing on Osa.
Tana got very used to his deep drawling voice.
She got used to asking his opinion and advice on many things.
She got used to sounding off to him about her parents when they made her mad.
She talked to him about school issues.
He was the one she told about her first boyfriend.
She confided in him when she had sex for the first time, crying about how awful it was and how guilty she felt.
He told her not to worry; it would DEFINITELY get better: the sex AND the guilt.
He said all the right things.
He told her off at the right time.
And he especially taught her to be smart with her body and her heart.

Then one day Osa came to Lagos and said he’d finished uni but would be moving finally to Abuja.
Tana’s heart broke a little...but she was old enough to know he had to go.
She was in her 2nd yr at uni.
They hugged tightly after she walked him to his car.
“I’ll miss you fire cat”
Tana struggled not to cry holding him tighter.
Osa pulled back and smoothed her hair away from her face “We’ll talk on the phone...ah-ah! You wan cry?” he asked softly “don't cry babygirl...”
He looked at her and dipped his head towards Tana.

Everything changed.

Tana jumped back as if she’d been burned.
Osa shoved his hands deep in his pockets and stepped back.
“I’ll call you from Abuja” he said tightly as he opened the car.
“Ok...” Tana croaked smoothing her denim skirt over her hips, picking at invisible lint “bye!” and she turned and ran into the house.
She heard the car squeal off as she shut the door.
She leaned against it breathing hard “what the hell just happened???”
She knew he would not call.

to be continued....